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Standing in the Light

I recently started a reading movement  – Melanin Warriors Book Club.

It’s an idea that was birthed from a place of fear. A feeling I one day woke up and decided I was going to embrace and use to fuel the fire in my soul, to posture self in stance of strength by going after all the things that leave my knees wobbling and my belly crumbling.

We kicked off our one of many sessions to be with Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes.

As the host for this particular session, I had prepared well, made notes, highlighted passages and jotted down a million and one points  to discuss with the group and lessons learnt for myself. Who knows that sometimes what we prepare so skilfully and perfectly doesn’t always work out the way we intended it to.

Each of us had an opportunity to  share what our “Take Home” from the book was; Lessons, challenges, funny moments etc. What I loved about this of the discusion is that it gave us a view into the garden of the mind of each of the women at the table.  We were called to action. Beckoned to reflect, dig deep and uncover the well of wisdom within each of us that sat around the table.

My  turn came and all the million words and phrases I had so diligently prepared,  disappeared. All that annoyingly flashed in my mind were there words “Stand in the light. Let yourself be seen”. As I spoke about how this has always been and continues to be a challenge for me, one of the ladies asked a question that I am yet to be able to answer… “But what does standing in the light mean for you?”

I laughed, which is my default response for everything in life. One day I will tell you a story about the not so joyous moments of my sometimes inappropriate laughter.

What does standing in the light mean/look like for you?I sat stunned because while it seemed as if it was something incredibly important to figure out, I don’t know what the hell standing in the light meant or was supposed to look like.

A lot of ‘nice, airy-fairy’ things have been coming to mind. But I know I haven’t figured out the answer. Not yet. While I am working towards something I am yet to define or understand… the negativity monsters in my head are having a field trip with this not so sure part of self.

Ha! In the midst of the chaos and fear that threatens to enslave me as I work through this part of self, I am now more than ever, convinced, that there is a light. There is a light and it’s there for me to bask in. There is infinite light, seeking my heart as I equally search for its. There is light daring me to stand tall and be seen. Beckoning me into the arms of courage.

Today. Right here in this moment. I am not sure I confidently know what standing in the light means for me. Is it being recognised for the excellent work I do? Is it about being validated by certain individuals. Is it about being known as the young woman who has all her shit together? Is it about going after the things I have always wanted to do whether they succeed or not?

Today.

Right here in this moment, the fear of not knowing and being unsure of the answer to that question has awakened something in me and I am excited to find out what the answer is.

What does standing in the light mean for you?

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